Although it was a bit strange to hear Fred break out into song out of the blue. One thought would have been to have him humming while sketching. Or even whistling.
I did like the song though. And to have her join in at the end was very sweet.
I was very intrigued by this story until half way through. Using the name of the creator of the tower and tying it into the story with the guy had substance.
But just when you had me with mystery drama, you went and threw a song in.
No No No.
It was like two different movies.
Granted, very well shot. In the actual tower and all. Very sun and sky, beautiful! The song was beautiful too, but it's like you put it in there just because you were able to get into the tower, or because you had the budget to do it. Too showy.
Then having him wake up on the ground wasn't good. You could of at least had him wake up in the tower!
Then to find out she had been dead for a year!... There needed to be more of a set up in the beginning for that.
This short film is far and away more accomplished on many, many levels the others are not. The audio is good. The framing and composition of shots is considered and nice to look at.
The story is written to not only use the tower as an incidental location but significantly make it a part of the story. Very little is wasted in terms of the character interactions and dialogue. The scenes move the story forward. It is edited very sparsely and efficiently. The characters are complex enough as to seem real -- not just there in service of a dogma or blunt preachy message.
And wow, its a freakin MUSICAL! In agreement with commenters above, I was jared when Fred started singing. What? That is ambitious and audacious. I'm not a big musical or opera loving guy -- "Chicago" and "Moulin Rouge!" had no pull on me. I laughed at "Phantom of the Opera" because it felt it is pretentious and put up (not to mention the Victoria Secret styled costume design).
I think some people will not like this short film because they don't enjoy the musical genre, just as some don't like Westerns, Sci-Fi, Space Fantasy, Kung-Fu, or Horror movies. But that should not take away from your accomplishment with this short film.
But I also understand how difficult it is to pull off making a musical: writing a enjoyable song and lyric, syncing the location video, mixing the sound, get a clean mix and with this short it all works great.
Part of the 'challenge' for me in this contest, and in this film, was to do something I had not done before.
That 'something' was the song. It is the only song I have ever written, and it became an ear worm for the cast and crew. Lyrics and tune both came to me, literally, in a dream. The arrangement is by a friend of mine, Paul Hartwig (www.hartwigmusic.com)
I appreciate the comments about the song coming out of the blue. It is something that has been much discussed. In the next iteration of this short film I am contemplating either making it MORE abrupt (i.e. 'magical') or sneak it in a tad smoother.
I don't have a problem with the unreality of it. After all - he's singing to a ghost which certainly isn't real either.
Chris, I get what you are saying about the bursting into song working. In the first half the artist seemed unreal and dreamy to Abby. Everything about him was predictable or what you expect an artist to say or be. And that Abby didn't trust any of that was exactly what the cynical audience member was thinking. When they got to the towertop and freed their feelings and guardedness, the story flips. The magic and mystery of the tower draws in spirits seeking internal freedom, no matter what dimension they exist in. The flip of having a cynical ghost rattles the audience to check their own snap assumptions about people and their stories, whether past stories or present stories unfolding in their hands. I can't wait to see how you tackle your next cinematic challenge. From a film lover who hates to be spoon-fed emotions and loves mindspanking stories.
Personally, I loved the song. It was just the right amount of corny. There was a time in filmmaking history when people broke into song with no provocation nor justification. Balls. Bravo!
Let's get to story. Although I loved the song and it's brave to try a musical, you have to remember the rules.
Almost every musical begins with a big musical number--in part to tip off the audience that it is a musical. I was not sure what this was--a comedy, a romance, a musical, or a tragedy. And I am a person who enjoys mixed genre film. The thing is, you have to give us something to hang our hat on.
Nice production value, with beautiful cinematography; the sunset from the tower. However, I thought the acting was a bit under par. Line delivery seemed to drag from Abby and Ruth. Seemed like there were no emotions attached to the characters. Dialogue delivery needed some pauses, like the characters need to think before speaking. Some transitions seemed abrupt as well, like where Frederick shows up at Ruth's house. How would he know to go there? I think Ruth should have had more edge to her, weary of someone bringing up her deceased sister in a conversation. Her character felt misguided. To the song, it was over-produced and slammed into the story. I would have preferred Frederick to sing solo with no musical accompaniment or just whistle it, then Abby joins in singing lyrics, but no music. The short itself is about people in the real-world, a man slyly interacting with a ghost. Once you bring in a fully-produced song, it takes the characters out of that world and turns over your producing cards to the audience. Technically, some of the production sound had drops in it during dialogue, there is wind hitting the mic up in the tower, and dialogue switched channels a bit when Frederick visits Ruth. Some minor ADR could clean that up.
Nice story though, just needed some more time to flush out the creative.
There were a number of moments when, as a viewer, we had to suspend rational thought for the sake of the romantic dream of this story. Other commenters mention the obvious: when Fred starts singing up in the tower.
I found one plot/story device much more difficult to swallow: A stranger approaches the home of Abby sister Ruth and mysteriously produces a set of keys uncovered in a crime scene murder investigation. Ruth is so casual and nonchalant as to defy reason.
Wouldn't a normal person being ask a few questions, like, who are you? How did you know Abby? When was the last time you saw her? How did you end up with these keys? How did you know where I lived?
I know Ruth is not a homicide detective and wouldn't likely be direct and blunt with her questions but, in this scene, there is way too much doubt hanging in the air to have this scene believable. You feel, as the writer, that its all about ghosts, songs materializing in dreams, and metaphysical appearances but you're pushing the limits of incredulity.
And to wrap it up, as he runs away like a startled cat, she cheerily shouts "Thanks Fred!" And that's it? Hummm....
I especially liked the beautiful voices and the actual song "Out of Time." The location at the top of the witches tower was lovely, overlooking the city.
17 comments:
Excellent use of location and theme; good cinematography and music.
Chris,
Good Job.
I am impressed.
Although it was a bit strange to hear Fred break out into song out of the blue. One thought would have been to have him humming while sketching. Or even whistling.
I did like the song though. And to have her join in at the end was very sweet.
Yours, MM
BTW, is Abby single? (grin)
I was very intrigued by this story until half way through. Using the name of the creator of the tower and tying it into the story with the guy had substance.
But just when you had me with mystery drama, you went and threw a song in.
No No No.
It was like two different movies.
Granted, very well shot. In the actual tower and all. Very sun and sky, beautiful! The song was beautiful too, but it's like you put it in there just because you were able to get into the tower, or because you had the budget to do it. Too showy.
Then having him wake up on the ground wasn't good. You could of at least had him wake up in the tower!
Then to find out she had been dead for a year!...
There needed to be more of a set up in the beginning for that.
Acting: Great!
Direction: Great!
Cinematography: Great!
Production Value: Great!
Story: Not So Great!
Finally, one filmmaker decided to write a script and figure out how to compose their shots and record good audio.
About time.
This short film is far and away more accomplished on many, many levels the others are not. The audio is good. The framing and composition of shots is considered and nice to look at.
The story is written to not only use the tower as an incidental location but significantly make it a part of the story. Very little is wasted in terms of the character interactions and dialogue. The scenes move the story forward. It is edited very sparsely and efficiently. The characters are complex enough as to seem real -- not just there in service of a dogma or blunt preachy message.
And wow, its a freakin MUSICAL! In agreement with commenters above, I was jared when Fred started singing. What? That is ambitious and audacious. I'm not a big musical or opera loving guy -- "Chicago" and "Moulin Rouge!" had no pull on me. I laughed at "Phantom of the Opera" because it felt it is pretentious and put up (not to mention the Victoria Secret styled costume design).
I think some people will not like this short film because they don't enjoy the musical genre, just as some don't like Westerns, Sci-Fi, Space Fantasy, Kung-Fu, or Horror movies. But that should not take away from your accomplishment with this short film.
But I also understand how difficult it is to pull off making a musical: writing a enjoyable song and lyric, syncing the location video, mixing the sound, get a clean mix and with this short it all works great.
Contrats!
Note from Chris about the song:
Part of the 'challenge' for me in this contest, and in this film, was to do something I had not done before.
That 'something' was the song. It is the only song I have ever written, and it became an ear worm for the cast and crew. Lyrics and tune both came to me, literally, in a dream. The arrangement is by a friend of mine, Paul Hartwig (www.hartwigmusic.com)
I appreciate the comments about the song coming out of the blue. It is something that has been much discussed. In the next iteration of this short film I am contemplating either making it MORE abrupt (i.e. 'magical') or sneak it in a tad smoother.
I don't have a problem with the unreality of it. After all - he's singing to a ghost which certainly isn't real either.
To me, a song is romance.
Comments appreciated!
Chris
Chris, I get what you are saying about the bursting into song working. In the first half the artist seemed unreal and dreamy to Abby. Everything about him was predictable or what you expect an artist to say or be. And that Abby didn't trust any of that was exactly what the cynical audience member was thinking. When they got to the towertop and freed their feelings and guardedness, the story flips. The magic and mystery of the tower draws in spirits seeking internal freedom, no matter what dimension they exist in. The flip of having a cynical ghost rattles the audience to check their own snap assumptions about people and their stories, whether past stories or present stories unfolding in their hands. I can't wait to see how you tackle your next cinematic challenge. From a film lover who hates to be spoon-fed emotions and loves mindspanking stories.
Mindspanking! What a kick. If the film experts have any pull, this short film will be the 2008 Screenlabs Challenge winner.
And seriously, making a film is difficult. All the best to those who rose to the challenge!
Personally, I loved the song. It was just the right amount of corny. There was a time in filmmaking history when people broke into song with no provocation nor justification.
Balls. Bravo!
Dude I got that song stuck in my head... Lol.
Awesome vid.
Awesome song! I loved it.
The production values of this were great as well.
Let's get to story. Although I loved the song and it's brave to try a musical, you have to remember the rules.
Almost every musical begins with a big musical number--in part to tip off the audience that it is a musical. I was not sure what this was--a comedy, a romance, a musical, or a tragedy. And I am a person who enjoys mixed genre film. The thing is, you have to give us something to hang our hat on.
It was VERY pretty!
Nice production value, with beautiful cinematography; the sunset from the tower. However, I thought the acting was a bit under par. Line delivery seemed to drag from Abby and Ruth. Seemed like there were no emotions attached to the characters. Dialogue delivery needed some pauses, like the characters need to think before speaking. Some transitions seemed abrupt as well, like where Frederick shows up at Ruth's house. How would he know to go there? I think Ruth should have had more edge to her, weary of someone bringing up her deceased sister in a conversation. Her character felt misguided. To the song, it was over-produced and slammed into the story. I would have preferred Frederick to sing solo with no musical accompaniment or just whistle it, then Abby joins in singing lyrics, but no music. The short itself is about people in the real-world, a man slyly interacting with a ghost. Once you bring in a fully-produced song, it takes the characters out of that world and turns over your producing cards to the audience. Technically, some of the production sound had drops in it during dialogue, there is wind hitting the mic up in the tower, and dialogue switched channels a bit when Frederick visits Ruth. Some minor ADR could clean that up.
Nice story though, just needed some more time to flush out the creative.
There were a number of moments when, as a viewer, we had to suspend rational thought for the sake of the romantic dream of this story. Other commenters mention the obvious: when Fred starts singing up in the tower.
I found one plot/story device much more difficult to swallow: A stranger approaches the home of Abby sister Ruth and mysteriously produces a set of keys uncovered in a crime scene murder investigation. Ruth is so casual and nonchalant as to defy reason.
Wouldn't a normal person being ask a few questions, like, who are you? How did you know Abby? When was the last time you saw her? How did you end up with these keys? How did you know where I lived?
I know Ruth is not a homicide detective and wouldn't likely be direct and blunt with her questions but, in this scene, there is way too much doubt hanging in the air to have this scene believable. You feel, as the writer, that its all about ghosts, songs materializing in dreams, and metaphysical appearances but you're pushing the limits of incredulity.
And to wrap it up, as he runs away like a startled cat, she cheerily shouts "Thanks Fred!" And that's it? Hummm....
FYI - Chris Anderson is my maiden name. (Chris Jones)
Although now I am a dude with balls. Cool. ;-)
Hey I really liked the overall feel to the movie, minus the random singing part which really confused me, but good job overall.
I was also wondering whether you saw my film (Committed) and what you thought of it.
Chris,
very nice little video
I especially liked the beautiful voices and the actual song "Out of Time." The location at the top of the witches tower was lovely, overlooking the city.
very well done with great audio
Joan Holman
Chris,
Excellent job. Loved the story line, the draw on history, excellent photo and sound work.
Krister
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